I remember a picture from a children’s book we had when I was a child. It showed a man with a stern look on his face. He was unshaven, wearing a black hat and dark clothes, and he was hiding his hands behind his back.
Upon turning to the next page, one discovered that behind his back, he was holding a flower in his hands.
The two pictures fascinated me. How from one moment to the next, a small shift of perspective literally changed what I saw about this man, what I knew about this man, and consequently, how I felt about him.
Throughout my childhood and adult life, I have been curious to look again at the seemingly obvious; especially whenever the seemingly obvious appeared to be frightening, wrong, harsh, unfair, or unkind. I have been seeking and testing out simple ways to gain fresh, more complete perspectives; perspectives that would help me, and others, dissolve fears, stress, anger and frustration, create joy, connection, intimacy and trust in relationships, and reveal life‘s immense beauty in all those places where at first glance it had remained hidden.
I love shining a light on the relationship between our internal life - our perspectives, beliefs, definitions, assumptions and feelings - and our external reality experience and actions. Exploring these inner and outer landscapes in my own life, with others, and perhaps with you, and finding enjoyable, powerful ways to shift those old fear-based perspectives that limit, contract and seemingly imprison us, is part of my passion.
Relationships have always been a topic dear to my heart, and an area of priority in my own life. In a broader sense, I see relationship everywhere - I find it interesting to explore our relationship to money, to ideas of success and failure, to our past, or to certain events and circumstances in our lives. How we define and interpret these relationships has such a fundamental impact on the quality of our experience.
Relationships with other people, then, are a beautiful opportunity to get closer to ourselves, and find out who we really are and how we wish to relate to others. Conflicts and stress can serve as a sweet invitation to go within and discover aspects we had been unaware of, unable to perceive - in other people as well as within ourselves. Brought into the light of our awareness, they enrich our perspective and experience, leading us back to intimacy and connection. And that does not mean we become a doormat, or compromise our integrity. It is possible to come from our hearts, and say no, or even leave a relationship or friendship.
My own relationships with my partner, my children, my friends, my parents and siblings, my neighbours and other people in my life, have radically transformed and improved, become more peaceful, sweet, and joyful since discovering and applying the tools and processes I am offering you.
I used to perceive people in my life as unsafe to open up to - just like the scary looking man in the children‘s book somehow. I would keep my distance internally, with a sense of having to protect myself.
Through transformative inquiry, I have been discovering the flowers the people in my life are holding in their hands, sometimes hidden behind their backs. So many people in my life have, one by one - almost miraculously - turned into dear, generous, loving, loveable human beings.
I used to believe and feel strongly that I needed certain things from certain people in my life - e.g. their love and appreciation, their time and attention, or being valued and respected by them. I have discovered, and keep discovering, the sweet empowerment of giving these things to myself, and letting other people off the hook. This frees me up to appreciate and receive whatever it is they actually do offer me - which always turns out to be much more than I had been aware of! - without that underlying sense of neediness, dependence, resentment, and sense of being a victim.
I still experience challenges and surprises in my relationships, of course. Whenever such a challenge appears now, if I feel distressed about it, I know there is something vital I am overlooking: the flower this person is holding in their hand. When discovered by me, this flower will lead me back to empowerment, connection, and an open heart. I now know how to help myself find and recognize it. And as I stand in the presence of this person offering me this unique flower, the whole relationship shifts and transforms.
Besides my love for The Work of Byron Katie, which is my primary tool, I also enjoy studying and applying other modalities of belief work as well as positively oriented, empowering psychological and metaphysical concepts, such as the Seth Material/Jane Roberts and Bashar/Darryl Anka.
I have a deep affinity with animals and plants and the natural world. I enjoy being in nature, and I love gardening.
Over the past few years since becoming a parent, I have been researching and exploring effortless, playful and effective ways of learning, in particular the learning that happens naturally as we simply follow our spontaneous curiosity, playful impulses, interests and passions. I am a homeschooling parent.
I grew up in Germany, lived in New Zealand for three years as a young adult, and moved to the Netherlands to live with my partner in 2006.
Professional background in Social Work (University of Bremen).
Certified Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie.
Mother and homeschooling parent of two children.